By Linda Lucas, MA, LCPC published October 24, 2016
The Satir Model has allowed me, encouraged me, and challenged me to know myself intimately. Intimately meaning a level where I know myself at the deepest core of who I am. This level of intimacy requires the greatest amount of trust with my Self. I am curious about who I am and who I am becoming. I am even enjoying the process of becoming more of who I was born to be. As Virginia Satir said, we are born with all of the resources we will ever need. I know this is true. It is just a matter of activating the resources and increasing the degree I can access and use my resources. Sometimes asking a question can activate a resource. It has been beneficial that I am naturally curious. When I was little, I was scolded for asking too many questions, for being too curious. I am especially grateful that I want to know more about me and how I work, or what makes me ‘tick’ because I am becoming more congruent, making better choices, experiencing myself as more loving and compassionate, and being more responsible for my emotions, thoughts, expectations and yearnings. The art of asking questions can be fun. I love asking questions. The answers are sometimes painful though. Ouch. Changing and growing is also sometimes painful. More ouch. The Satir Model resonates greatly with me because it promotes ‘the art of asking questions’, not just any questions but ‘good’ or I like to think ‘better’ questions, or process questions. I want to get to the heart of the issue or the heart of what lies behind my actions, my impacts, my words, my experiences, not just the surface, story details, or blaming someone else for my experience. I love that Virginia Satir said we are ‘change artists’. Creatively changing can be a result of asking ‘good’ or better questions or process questions or artistic questions. I know when I ask better, process questions, searching for an answer within my self allows me and challenges me to go on an inner journey of contemplation, of discovery and learning. The result of my inner journey results in new awareness’s, discoveries and this journey of exploration and discovery results in new possibilities, new decisions, changes and growth. I am trusting my Self more and more. I am curious and often excited about my inner journey.
I have been deep in the experience of impacts. Impacts of my parents’ declining health, impacts of the crazy, bizarre presidential election, impacts of changing and growing, impacts of aging, (a grandson asked me what all the cracks were on my face!!, laugh cracks, of course!) impacts of relationships, impacts of witnessing this beautiful world, of nature, of music, of grandchildren, of my sweet dogs. Impacts are happening to me every moment of this lovely life I live. Several years ago I realized how fear impacted my ability to be more deeply connected to universal life force energy, universal wisdom. When I experience fear I am blocking my spiritual connection, not completely blocking spiritual connection but hindering my spiritual connection. I know fear has a positive intention of keeping me safer, making me have heightened awareness of boundaries. IT says, Be careful! I also know fear can limit me, and get in the way of my deeper knowing, and taking necessary risks. Risks that allow me to grow and change and become more fully ME. I decided to have a deeper connection with my Beautiful, Wise Woman Self and the Beautiful, Wise, Humorous Universe. What peace, hope, and joy I experienced knowing I was surrendering to allow deeper connection. And might I add, I realized I would have more fear when making the conscious decision to surrender to Universal Wisdom. It has been like jumping off a cliff and knowing I better darn well fly!
A quote by ― Guillaume Apollinaire
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, We will fall!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
And so they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.”
And so my journey of congruence continues.
I thought I would share a little about my experience with fear. The impacts of fear on me, and how this led me and is leading me on the journey towards deeper congruence.
When I experience fear, first of all, I purposely and mindfully allow myself to feel fear in my body. Where is it? What is the sensation? (it is me, my Higher Self giving and receiving permission to myself that I consciously acknowledge fear, instead of distracting myself from the experience of fear, arguing with myself about experiencing fear, becoming embarrassed, guilty or angry about experiencing fear, a whole gamut of inner dialogue all around just acknowledging fear. My inner dialogue is a result of my family rule around expressing fear (scaredy cat, baby, weak). The impact of not externally expressing fear was to attempt to deny the inner experience of fear which created a huge inner conflict! So, where in my body is fear? Can I stay with it? Can I listen to it? Can I learn from it? Can I accept it? What is it about? This leads me to know and learn about my expectations of my Self, others and other’s expectations of me. These expectations can quickly catapult me to emotions of embarrassment, guilt, disappointment, frustration, and more fear. Then, BAM….I am experiencing the judgement of the emotion, such as; sadness and disappointment. I continue to assess and stay with my Body Sensations. Are these old, old memories held in my body from long ago? Have they been triggered by a similar, present day experience? Or better known as unfinished business? Then I am mindfully breathing, breathing, breathing with conscious, purposeful breaths. This helps me from negatively judging the experience. I am staying with my breath, staying with my body sensations, listening to what my body is telling me. I just stay with physical experience and accept what my wisdom is telling me. I often want to leap away from the fear and body sensations by distracting myself. Fear is an important part of our human experience. I am alive because of fear. It has been a very, very good friend and yet, now I get to decide how I experience it by having changed the impact of the family rule, by appreciating the positive intentions of fear, by knowing Me more intimately.
My resources of hope, trust, wisdom, connection and courage are activated. I connect with my yearnings. They are my life line. I know I have all the resources within me to ‘handle’ whatever it is I am encountering. I am infinitely wise when connected to the Universe. When I am in a place of knowing versus in a place of believing (perceptions), I am connected to my Self and the Universe. I experience mini (also, many!) bursts of peace, almost like a little shower of peace sparkling all over my body, inside and outside. I experience this sensation of “whew!” I am here with ME and I am connected to the expansive, all knowing Universal Wisdom. I am.